Abuse

Factors that increase chances for Relationship Abuse:

  • Power differential – one spouse controls the money and makes major decisions.
  • Drive to control – one spouse attempts to control the actions and even the feelings of the other spouse.
  • Physical dominance – one spouse is able to overpower the other physically.

Indicators of Abuse:

  • Physical – violence or threats of violence towards you or people connected to you, such as children and extended family. Threatening behavior can include destroying your property as well as physically harming or intimidating you.
  • Sexual – violence during sex, forcing unwanted sex and rape. Infidelity and/or withholding sex can also be used as forms of emotional abuse.
  • Emotional – name-calling, manipulating, intimidating, undermining, criticizing, as well as isolating the spouse from social and work opportunities.

Women are capable of spousal abuse, but due to power differentials and differences in upper body strength, men are more often the perpetrators of physical abuse in heterosexual relationships. Women may participate and/or retaliate through emotional abuse. These patterns must be recognized and worked on so that women can also find more healthy ways to relate in intimate relationships.

The Cycle of Abuse usually involves:

  1. Building of tension in the relationship.
  2. An explosion involving physical, sexual and/or verbal abuse.
  3. A reconciliation, often known as "the honeymoon."

The reconciliation usually includes apologies and promises that the explosion will never happen again. Unfortunately, the pattern generally repeats over and over, usually escalating with time.


If you recognize patterns or symptoms of abuse, it is important to talk to a crisis counselor or mental health professional. The primary concern is the safety of you and your children. Violence usually escalates and may become lethal. Recognize that physical abuse is a crime and should be reported so that you and your children have the benefit of protection under the law. Emotional abuse may or may not be reportable, but it is recognized by crisis shelters - and "Gurlfytrz" - as a serious and damaging form of spousal abuse.



Abuse Resources

If you are in an abuse situation and are looking for help, call 800-799-SAFE (7233) or go to our hotline page.